“I would never trust a snake”

Anyone wanna go on a vacation?

I think West Jet is having a seat sale! This place looks exotic! Let’s go!

Weddings!

Well,

I’m sick. I’m tired. I’m borderline injured with knee problems and shin splints.

This week hasn’t been the greatest and the weather still is acting post-apocolypty. Yes, I just made that word up. Deal with it.

The only thing that could cheer me up is a much needed family-reunion inspired wedding.

Good thing that’s exactly what the doctor ordered!

I’m off to Kelowna to celebrate Ryan and Krista’s love and to see family members that I haven’t seen for years… without trying to sound cliched, this weekend will simply be epic.

I’ve been practicing my dance moves and I got my hair did…. Kelowna won’t know what hit ‘em!

Apple Week- a sneak peak!

Here’s a quick question regarding things to come:

What is your favorite apple out of the following list? We want to know what people are inclined to eat and the general opinion regarding what’s hot and what’s not in the ever changing category of apples.

Go to this blog. NOW!

Gentle Readers,

It’s been a few days since our last post. For this, we truly don’t apologize. We’ve had a crazy week with training, Stampede, cooking, golfing, teaching, eating, laughing, MACing, dog walking, FFGing, window shopping, TOOLING, pottery painting, Indian Buffeting, Money-pennying, nicknaming, bike commuting, foot racing, and life in general.

We’ve got big things coming your way… so just hang tight! Keep this website open in your browser at ALL TIMES because something exciting might just happen!

Definitely take our advice and refresh this page atleast fifteen times a day- you just never know what might happen!

But before you hang tight, gentle viewers readers, take a moment to check out this fabulous blog by none other than Kerry Dankers. She’s a great friend of mine and has been a huge inspiration in my speed skating career!

Gurrrrlfren can cook too!

www.foodlovas.wordpress.com

DO IT!

BIG NEWS.

Gentle Readers,

for years the Discovery Channel has been hypnotizing its viewers by offering the elustrious “Shark Week.”

I, too, have fallen victim to it’s razor sharp advertising and adventure. To feel and be as one with the sharks is arguably a common dream we all subconsciously share. To swim with the great whites, tigers, and hammer heads is what children dream of. More than winning Olympic Gold, an Academy Award, or become a doctor, people since the age of Neanderthals have fantasised about growing up with the sharks.

Gentle Readers,

The DailyAbuce is going to offer you something even more life-changing and adventurous than that of Shark Week. We’ve thought long and hard about this and have come to a resounding decision and go ahead with something that has inspired and fascinated us for quite some time:

Apple Week.

I have a few certain passions within my life and one of them happens to be finding the greatest apple to:

A) Straight up eat

B) Dipping in plain Yogurt (occasionally with cinnamon)

C) Smothering with Peanut Butter

Keeping these three categories in mind, the Daily is going to launch into an epic search regarding the King of Apples. This is going to be truly a daunting task and so we’ve lined up a number of guest judges to help aid in the painful process of judging.

Expect laughter, tears, breakdowns, new friendships, and the end of old ones. APPLE WEEK IS SURE TO BE LIFE CHANGING!

Stammmmpppeeedddeee!

Oh Stampede, how I love thee.

Yup, I’ve said it. I’m a proud Calgarian- born and bred. I’ll always feel happy putting on a pair of jeans and a cowboy hat, although I’ve never lived outside of the city. I’ll always feel a sense of competitiveness with Edmonton, and I think I’ll die before you’ll ever see me cheer for the Eskimos (gentle readers, if you don’t understand that reference, search the archives and educate yourself on our post regarding the CFL).

Being a Calgarian, our greatest and most proud exhibit is that of the Stampede. It’s 10 crazy days of pretending that you’re educated and actually interested in the rodeo and cowboy lifestyle. We all hammer into Lammles (in which a lot of try-hards pronounce Lam-els), buy a bunch of trashy John Deere t-shirts or “Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy” tank-tops, and wait in line for hours to get into cold, lifeless tents and dance to Country music in which we’ve never heard of nor enjoy.

Yup. People spend money, wait for days in que lines to get food, booze, and climb into questionable amusement rides (“do I smell pee? Or is that barf?”).

We damage our brain cells, clog our arteries, lose our credit lines, and become pregnant… occasionally all at once.

I’m ready. Are you?

YEEHAW!

Just because it’s Tuesday morning…

Ghost riding the whip is better anyways…

Alright. So now that we got all of that hooplah outta the way… I think it’s only fitting to rip into a select group of people that the dailyabuce just can’t stand/understand. We’ve tried, we’ve failed, and we’ve decided to come out throwing punches.

We’re talking about those who feel the need to hang large, metallic testicles off of the back of one’s often oversized and monstrous gas guzzling truck. Like, seriously, if these people don’t make you say the unabbreviated version of WTF, I really don’t know what will. What in the hell are they thinking? What could possibly ever make anyone think that hanging such a monstrosity off of their car is a good idea? Like, think of this: these people actually had to search, most likely on the internet or dare I say, even in the telephone book, a store in which would sell such an IQ-demoting product. Once they find such a high-class retailer, they either have to order it, or physically pick up the said product, face a real-live salesperson, and then actually pay for these balls.

What are they trying to prove? Or better yet… what are they trying to hide?

Is this a phenomenon that’s only apparent in Alberta? Like, is it only a redneck thing, or is it just a loser thing? Because I know a lot of conservative high strung Albertans that haven’t, and will never, stoop to that level.

I mean, come on, are witty bumper stickers that out of date that people feel the need to hang a big ol’ pair of ???? to make a point?

We just don’t get it.

This post is a result of hill sprints

Bett-ay!